I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
