cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
