I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
