I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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