Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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