my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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