Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
