I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
