The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
