I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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