Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
