I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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