I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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