This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
