ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
