My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
