D3 body, D1 cock
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
