I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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