I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
