You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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