all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
