Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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