i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
