im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
