About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
