Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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