Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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