There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I touched a dick in church today
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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