Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
