I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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