hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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