Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
