Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
