I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
