my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
