Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
