so explain again why im purple
no
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
