He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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