everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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