how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, beer. Big fan.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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