I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
