Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
