The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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