I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
