Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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