You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
