I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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