Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
