Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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