It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize