you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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