she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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