I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
