before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
