I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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