I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
