batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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