Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
