halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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