Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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