I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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