69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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