Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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