is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
