So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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