So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
