I think I died a long time ago.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize