with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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