Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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