Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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