'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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