I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
