I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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