I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
