so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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