he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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