you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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