mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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